by Azra Naseem

Dr Mohamed Waheed Hassan Manik, the caretaker President of the Maldives says the system of governance he presides over in the Maldives is ‘a damn good democracy.’

Maldives has greater civil and political freedoms than most other countries. We are not perfect but we live in a damn good democracy.

— Mohamed Waheed (@DrWaheedH) July 21, 2012

How well do you know your democracies? Can you tell the difference between a ‘normal democracy’ and a ‘damn good’ one?

Here’s a look at some of the defining characteristics of the separate powers and institutions of ‘a damn good democracy’ to help you on your way to becoming a damned well-informed citizen.

The Executive 

It’s a damn good democracy when:

• A televised coup d’état is deemed a legal and perfectly constitutional transfer of power
• A caretaker President pretends to be an elected one
• Elections are denied because institutions aren’t ready, despite the Elections Commissions publicly stating otherwise
• The President has to send security forces ahead of himself when visiting various constituencies lest he gets abused by the electorate
• The President sometimes uses an ambulance to travel through the country. It is safer.
• The President’s spokespersons lie frequently to international media and other actors
• The country is bankrupt and the President tells the people everything is fine and dandy
• The health sector runs out of vital medicines, and the President says ‘there’s no cause for concern’:

Checked with Health Minister and STO MD there is no need to worry about medicines.

— Mohamed Waheed (@DrWaheedH) October 20, 2012

• The Finance Minister says there’s no money to pay civil servants and the President tells the people the economy is healthy
• Large numbers of political appointees become a drain on a heavily indebted economy
• The President is often clueless about which constituency he is visiting:

Beautiful Funadhoo. We just had the National Farmer's Day celebration. pic.twitter.com/D8Hb3ldA

— Mohamed Waheed (@DrWaheedH) October 18, 2012

@DrWaheedH its not Funadhoo , its Fonadhoo

— laamu.info (@laamuinfo) October 20, 2012

• The President takes to Twitter like Adrian Mole to his diary:

It doesn't hurt to be kind.

— Mohamed Waheed (@DrWaheedH) July 18, 2012

You cannot see the truth when you shut your heart. If you believe in lies long enough you will confuse lies for truth.

— Mohamed Waheed (@DrWaheedH) September 6, 2012

• The President’s party has no representation in Parliament
• The President’s party offers bribes and sweeteners to buy membership
• The President forgets that he is meant to be looking after another party’s manifesto
• The President’s Advisors become propaganda machines
• The President describes his supporters as Mujaheddin fighting a Holy War
• People wonder whether it is the President or a former dictator who is running the show

The Parliament

It’s a damn good democracy when:

• Members are bought and sold between parties ahead of an election like footballers at the beginning of a premier league football season
• Most Members are also businessmen
• Business tycoons steer legislation to their whims
• Self-appointed Legislators Extraordinaire continue to propose amendments to existing legislation curbing fundamental rights
• Members and Police Commissioners publicly fawn over each other:

https://twitter.com/mnasheed/status/263872473550970880

• Members abuse Parliamentary privilege and treat the floor as a platform for mud-slinging, slander and political intrigue
• Parliamentary oversight committees cannot hold people or institutions accountable
• Members are violently murdered or attacked by culprits who seem to know they would be immune from prosecution

The Judiciary

It’s a damn good democracy when:

• The Supreme Court has only one judge with a common law degree
• A large number of judges are primary/secondary school drop-outs
• A former democratically elected leader is put on a show-trial using courts that have no business to exist
• The Chief Judge of the Criminal Court uses the court to overrule the constitutional oversight body which found him guilty of misconduct
• The Chief Justice seeks ways to circumvent the Constitution and prevent judges from being held accountable by the Parliament
• A democratically elected government is overthrown to ‘save’ a criminal on the bench
• Courts collude with the Executive to oppress freedom of assembly and speech
• Courts and law-enforcement collude to persecute and prosecute members of a particular party
• Courts collude with legislature and law-enforcement to impose as harsh punishments as humanly possible, wholly forgetting restorative justice
• The law community stays completely silent over lack of judicial independence lest lucrative jobs and high-status positions are lost

Civil Society

It’s a damn good democracy when:

• Intolerance of the Other becomes the dominant socio-political discourse
• Police condemns and refuses protection for selected media outlets
• Reformists and anti-government protesters are arrested and imprisoned
• Police brutalise protesters with impunity
• Democracy activists are targeted and arrested for heinous crimes to which they are known to have no connections whatsoever
• NGOs form unhealthy alliances that silence the voice of the people instead of giving it room for expression
• NGOs refuse to condemn violence against the people
• NGOs relays government line to international actors that Maldives is ‘not ready for elections’
• Most media outlets, including the State broadcaster, is owned – or heavily influenced – by politicians and politically active business tycoons
• Harmless Tweets are used to connect activists to murders and other heinous crimes with no other evidence
• The only voice allowed free expression in civil society is that of extremists/militants who try to rile up the masses with nationalistic/religious fervor
• The Human Rights Commission hides findings of investigations into human rights violations
• Voices against religious extremism are silenced by murder or attempted murder
• Anti-Muslim/heretic labels and death threats are used to try and silence voices against religious extremism:

 

Security Forces

It’s a damn good democracy when:

• Mutiny against the State by security forces are deemed impossible by law, even if it happens in broad daylight, witnessed by the whole country
• Leaders of the mutiny by the security forces that facilitates the end of democratic governance are given leadership positions
• Mutinying police and military officers are rewarded with promotions, bonuses and cushy housing schemes
• Police Commissioner and certain legislators collude publicly to roll-back fundamental rights (see Parliament section above)
• The police fails to investigate serious crimes such as murders and attempted murders
• Security forces are willing to use the murder of one of their own for political purposes
• Police act as a tool for curbing fundamental civil and political rights of citizens (see above)
• Police arrest activists in connection with murders with no evidence whatsoever, keeps them in detention for weeks, and releases some with a gag order rather than an apology

Well, I’ll be damned. It doesn’t look like a democracy at all. Does it?